Sunset Trauma Therapy and Consultation

Taking things personally can feel debilitating, overwhelming and also can bring in a sense of shame as we may feel powerless to it. Although it often gets labeled by society as problematic or a personality pitfall, it can actually be a hidden superpower to be able to access a deep rich empathy and emotional awareness of yourself and others.

One of the things Highly Sensitive People (HSP) or folks that are very empathly attuned often carry are the weight of other people’s emotions, and also struggle with their own inner critic, self-blame and a tendency to be more rigid in their thinking. There are many factors that can contribute to a person being highly sensitive to other people’s responses or lack of responses such as personality, history of childhood trauma, and/or the absence of close, trusted friendships (to name a few).

For starters, people who were not validated and/or nurtured growing up in their full range of emotional responses, learn to suppress and hide their true experiences and feelings. Once there is a pattern of having to suppress or hide true emotions and experiences, this can cause resentment and anger to turn inward on oneself, leading to abrupt emotional outbursts, chronic physical pains/aches and debilitating toxic shame.

If you imagine a red rose blooming to its full experience its beauty and volume, we have to also allow the thorns to exist and be noticed. The thorns are what protects the rose from unnecessary intruders and serve a very important role. However, if we become preoccupied with the thorns, we miss out on the sight, smells and textures the rose brings us, which offer much pleasure and enjoyment. You can’t have a beautiful rose without also embracing it’s thorns.

When you feel triggered by a stressful situation, or a response from friend and family, follow these steps below:

1. Start by acknowledging that you feel triggered. “something about their comment or this situation feels really overwhelming to me”. The acknowledging of what you are actually experiencing is a very important piece to begin to disarming the intensity of the trigger.
2. Pause and breathe. Notice anywhere in or around your body that you feel a sense of anchor or groundedness. Bring your awareness to the location in your body that feels grounded. Take a couple of breaths here.
3. Return your attention to the distress, and see if you can name any thoughts or feelings that you are experiencing. *If this feels too overwhelming, return to step 2 and stay there.
4. Offer loving kindness towards yourself. Imagine a kind, loving person or fictional TV character that resembles nurture to you. Imagine them listening and responding with validation and kindness.
5. Notice how your body responds, be patient. Breathe in and out the experience of this in your body.
6. Move your body. Move into stretching, rolling anckles and wrists, move neck side to side.
7. Offer affirmations: “Its Ok to feel what your feeling”. “Its OK that this to too much to think about right now” “Its OK to want space to feel safe again”.

Patience and permission to allow your experience are key points. Don’t rush past the steps too fast, it is OK if you need to stop at step 2.

If you would like to learn more about emotional overwhelm, people pleasing, highly sensitive people, please reach out Erica Lima, LCSW to Info@sunsettraumatherapy currently servicing people through tele-health throughout the state of California.